traditional

“Well Mrs McGraw,” the captain said,
“Would you like to make a pirate out of your son Ted?
With a scarlet coat and fine cocked hat
Mrs. McGraw, wouldn’t you like that?”

Chorus:
With me too-ri-ah, fol dee diddle dah
Too-ri, loo-ri, loo-ri ah
With me too-ri-ah, fol dee diddle dah
Too-ri, loo-ri, loo-ri ah

Now Mrs. McGraw lived on the sea shore
For the space of seven long years or more
She spied a ship coming into the bay
“This is my son Teddy, won’t you clear the way?”

Chorus

“Now my dear captain, where have you been?
Have you been out sailing on the Mediterr’en?
Have you any news of my son Ted?
Is the poor lad living or is he dead?”

Chorus

Then up steps Ted without any legs
And there place there were two wooden pegs
Kissed him a dozen more times or two
Crying, “Holy Moses, it couldn’t be you!”

Chorus

“Now was you drunk or was you blind
When you left your two fine legs behind?
What was it out walking upon the sea
Tore your two good legs from the knees away?”

Chorus

“No, I wasn’t drunk and I wasn’t blind
When I left my two fine legs behind.
A big cannonball on the fifth of May
Tore my two good legs from the knees away!”

Chorus

“Now Teddy, me boy,” the old widow cried,
“Your two fine legs were your mummy’s pride.
Those stumps of a tree won’t do at all,
Why didn’t you run with the big cannonball?”

Chorus

Foreign wars I do profane,
against Don Juan or the King of Spain.
I’d rather have me Teddy as he used to be
than the King of France and the whole Navy!

Chorus x2

Scarlet coat? Yeah, it’s modified from a British army song.